you told them everything I needed to hear
that you were too rough
too cold
too violent
over things that never mattered
over things that had nothing to do with us
but with the hidden wars you fought
within mind
& time
that can’t be counted
that is past but wounds in present
you almost said you were sorry
& we accepted it
knowing
it was as close as you could get
& you said you would Do Better
not just say better
& that was better
than words
your body spoke it all
the shame that led to change
you had softened in your age
no longer able to tower over us
but stooped & fragile
you couldn’t look us in the eye
but we saw your tears
they baptized your faded jeans
the same ones you wore back then
the only thing that might have stayed the same
you had become young again
as you neared closer to the end
& now I could hold you
in your fragile state
with your even thinner skin
that breaks with whispers now
instead of steel
effusive in your sorrow
often blunted by malaise
but in brief moments
clarity pierced through the haze
as you became the child
you finally saw us as children
who bore all the barbs
& bruises
you wouldn’t raise a hand again
in that moment what was shattered across states
what was splintered by such hate
came back together
the first & second borns breached the years-long silence
we could all speak again
our tongues freed from their vices
we didn’t hug but sat in silence
with the knowing
the knowing
the knowing
this time it would be different
then I woke up.
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So powerful. I cried at the end, so sad that the healed relationship was a dream. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing.